Grief Deck Pulls: Boundaries and Grace in Grief
In this enlightening segment of Grief Deck Pulls, we are privileged to welcome back Naniece, who engages in a profound exploration of grief through the medium of card readings. Hosted by Story, the dialogue is both insightful and evocative, touching upon essential themes of grace, boundary-setting, and the intricate web of relationships that often become strained during periods of loss. The initial card drawn from the Grace, Grief, and Healing deck acts as a catalyst for deeper discussion, prompting a reflection on the necessity of establishing firm boundaries while also embodying kindness and compassion. This principle of maintaining a dignified detachment from negativity is a vital lesson for listeners who may find themselves navigating complex emotional landscapes. As the conversation unfolds, both Story and Naniece share personal narratives that resonate with the card’s message, illustrating how their individual experiences with grief have shaped their understanding of interpersonal dynamics. The hosts emphasize the importance of avoiding petty disputes and remaining steadfast in one’s values, even when faced with challenging individuals. This segment serves as a poignant reminder that while grief can be isolating, it also offers opportunities for self-discovery and growth through the practice of grace. The dialogue fosters a sense of community among listeners, encouraging them to consider their own boundaries and the impact of their choices on their healing journeys. Further enriching the discourse, the hosts introduce the concept of beauty as an essential component of healing. They discuss the therapeutic effects of engaging with nature and surrounding oneself with aesthetically pleasing environments, underscoring the notion that beauty can serve as a balm for the soul during times of distress. This exploration leads to a broader conversation about the duality of grief; while it can feel overwhelming, embracing the beauty in life’s simple moments can provide solace and inspire hope. The segment ultimately concludes with a powerful affirmation of purpose, reminding listeners that amidst the chaos of grief, there lies an opportunity for renewal and the rediscovery of joy.
Companies mentioned in this segment:
- Dr. Karen
Find all of Dr.Karens offerings below
- https://drkarenkramer.com
Mentioned in this episode:
Sponsorship for The Upside to Grief
Mady's Tattoos Madys tattoos is based out of mission beach California where She specializes in Japanese traditional , black and grey , photography, art, and media. Mady believes that tattoos can be more than art, they are milestones, memories, and reminders of how far you’ve come. To learn more or book a session you can find her on instagram at madys_tattoos. Azadi Healing Azadi — which is FARSI for freedom — empowers individuals and communities through trauma-informed care and events such as nervous system regulation, reiki, sound healing, breathwork facilitation and more. Whether you're exploring healing or navigating grief, Azadi Healing offers a sacred space to come home to yourself and find your center. Remember that you’re never alone on this journey. Visit azadihealing.com
Transcript
Hello, human collective.
Speaker A:Welcome to the Upside to Grief.
Speaker A:My name is Story and I am your host.
Speaker A:And this week we are welcoming back Nonice.
Speaker A:She is going to do one of our segments with us.
Speaker A:She has chosen to do grief deck polls.
Speaker A:So thank you so much for coming back on.
Speaker B:Thank you for having me.
Speaker A:Absolutely.
Speaker A:So we're gonna do some grief deck polls and we have a couple decks here.
Speaker A:So one of my favorite more favorite decks is our Grace, Grief and healing deck.
Speaker A:If you guys have been following along, you have heard us pull from this deck before.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:So the grace cards are kind of like these lavender purple cards and then the grief cards are a light blue and the Healing is a light pink.
Speaker A:So whichever one of those.
Speaker B:Dex, I'll go with grace.
Speaker A:With grace.
Speaker A:Okay, so we'll shuffle it in here, try to get the sounds.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:She's picking a card.
Speaker B:I picked this one.
Speaker A:What did you get?
Speaker B:It says number 37.
Speaker B:Take the high road.
Speaker B:Maintain strong boundaries While being gracious, a difficult person or situation in your life requires your dispassionate detachment.
Speaker B:Taking the high road might be the kindest option for yourself.
Speaker B:Avoid unnecessary drama.
Speaker B:Don't tolerate disrespectful or mean spirited behavior, yet show others the grace you'd expect.
Speaker B:Connect with your higher values.
Speaker B:Speaking and acting from what?
Speaker B:From that higher wisdom.
Speaker A:Would you like the extended meaning?
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker A:He says 37, right?
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:Avoid petty battles and pointless disputes.
Speaker A:Now.
Speaker A:Don't engage with others who want to distract your noble inner warrior with fights that aren't worthy of your time or your energy.
Speaker A:If someone you love or who is a significant part of your life is trying to get attention through creating conflict, attempt to give them positive reinforcement instead, asking compassionately what's going on with them or letting them know diplomatically that you don't have as much time for them right now.
Speaker A:Other other people's challenging emotions about you may not have that much to do with you and can really be more about them.
Speaker A:Processing older emotions and issues via their relationship with you.
Speaker A:Stand up for yourself in the in the least dramatic way possible.
Speaker A:If someone is scapegoating you, Create healthy emotional space.
Speaker A:Observing and witnessing others with neutrality and when possible, also with compassion.
Speaker A:Looking at difficult people through the eyes of love can sometimes make them easier to deal with and can even allow you to become a vehicle of grace for them.
Speaker A:Life isn't always fair.
Speaker A:If that's your expertise right now, may you be given and give yourself as much grace as possible.
Speaker B:Amen to that.
Speaker A:Does that.
Speaker A:Do you think of anything when that comes up.
Speaker B:Oh, yeah.
Speaker A:I was like, that's like a pretty, like, specific card.
Speaker A:Like, I know it's, like, kind of generalized in a sense, but then again, it's like, no, because I feel like if you said this to.
Speaker A:To somebody who didn't mean to, they'd be like, what?
Speaker B:Yeah, but this totally resonates with me in my life right now.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:There's.
Speaker A:Would you like to hear the action steps?
Speaker B:Yes.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:Being the bigger person can be much less exhausting and draining than getting down in the emotional mire with others.
Speaker A:If there's someone always requiring you to be the bigger person in your relationship, it may be time to have a frank talk with them or.
Speaker A:Or with a therapist about how you can shift this pattern.
Speaker A:Your needs, boundaries, and emotions deserve airtime and respect too.
Speaker A:Ask grace through a prayer, meditation, or quick journal entry to send you ideas about how to better deal with a person or group of people that are especially challenging right now.
Speaker A:Asking grace simply for help.
Speaker A:Feeling compassion for difficult people can be powerful.
Speaker A:Ask yourself, what would love do?
Speaker A:Sometimes setting a tough love boundary with others is the grace they need from you.
Speaker A:Other times, being merciful is the medicine.
Speaker A:Either way, create healthy distance from a difficult person.
Speaker A:Now, for your sake and theirs, this card can indicate the need to ride out someone else's emotional storm, waiting for clear, calmer skies to engage with them.
Speaker A:Don't take the bait.
Speaker A:Be less reactive.
Speaker A:Connect with your higher values.
Speaker B:That's crazy.
Speaker B:I was literally talking to somebody this morning about somebody in my life that I have to.
Speaker B:Well, I've already set my boundaries with, but we could just continue to pray for this person.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:Do you want to talk about it or no?
Speaker B:It's like my in law got it.
Speaker B:My husband finally stood up for us and put boundaries, and she didn't take it well.
Speaker B:So she's been very difficult to deal with lately.
Speaker B:And I know that internally it's not something personal.
Speaker B:I think she's going through her own things in life.
Speaker B:She's also dealing with her own grief.
Speaker B:So I'm just like, what this card said, you know?
Speaker B:Okay, this is weird.
Speaker B:So this is cool.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:It can be hard, too, with, you know, families in laws, all of that.
Speaker A:Setting boundaries within families, I feel like, can be just tricky to navigate all the time.
Speaker A:I feel like it's on point.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:So hopefully she can take some time and reflect on that and something good will come of it.
Speaker A:Hopefully.
Speaker B:But I hope so.
Speaker A:I mean, you guys are doing your part.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:And that's.
Speaker A:That's all you can really do.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:You know, it's about grace, though.
Speaker B:I give people grace.
Speaker B:How I would expect somebody to give grace to me because I was a difficult person at one point too.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Do you want to draw another one from here or would you like to draw from the other deck?
Speaker A:There are no wrong answers.
Speaker B:I'll do one from here.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:She is drawing from the healing deck.
Speaker A:This is the pink and white deck.
Speaker B:It says number 45.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker B:Prioritize, prioritize.
Speaker B:Beauty therapy.
Speaker B:Beauty is a sustaining force for the human spirit and healing for the soul.
Speaker B:Spend time in a beautiful nature setting.
Speaker B:Wear beautiful outfits and jewelry, or purchase a beautiful object for your home or office.
Speaker B:Notice the beauty all around.
Speaker B:Beauty therapy doesn't have to cost much or any money.
Speaker B:Beauty is your birthright.
Speaker B:Your inner beauty shines through.
Speaker A:I mean.
Speaker A:Yes, thank you, please.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:I think we could all use some of that.
Speaker A:Do you want the expanded meaning?
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:Some may not think of beauty as healing.
Speaker A:They might instead think of it as frivolous.
Speaker A:Although beauty is anything but, beauty can be incredibly calming.
Speaker A:Grounding and connecting.
Speaker A:Just looking at an image online of a small lake nestled in the mountains with pine trees dotted the landscape, can instantly make you feel more relaxed and open.
Speaker A:Witnessing this view in person can inspire awe and bring you to tears.
Speaker A:The impulse to design our living spaces in a way that's beautiful to us or adorn our bodies and clothes and jewelry and makeup that make us feel beautiful can be a bold act of defiance by the human spirit determined to revel in what is wonderful about this life, despite the inherent pain and suffering.
Speaker A:When life feels heavy, it's important to soothe the soul with beauty, which lightens this energy.
Speaker A:This is why we send beautiful flowers to those who are grieving.
Speaker A:Your spirit needs nourishment.
Speaker A:Beauty, in whatever form it's available and authentic to you is a cup to drink deeply from.
Speaker A:Now celebrate and cultivate your inner beauty.
Speaker B:You know, that's wild because I literally went on a hike yesterday.
Speaker A:Oh, did you?
Speaker A:Where did you go?
Speaker B:I think it's called Mount Miguel.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker B:Yeah, I haven't gone in a while to do any hike.
Speaker B:It's been like four years.
Speaker B:And I finally went yesterday and left at 4:45 in the morning and oh,
Speaker A:wow, you went early.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:So definitely connected with nature.
Speaker A:What?
Speaker A:Was there something that, like, what got you to get up and do that?
Speaker A:Like, what was it after four years where you were like, you know what?
Speaker A:I'm going to get up.
Speaker B:I honestly, I actually wanted to go on my birthday, which was December 28th.
Speaker B:But for whatever reason, I don't think.
Speaker B:I don't know why we didn't go.
Speaker B:So we went for our five year anniversary.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker B:My husband actually was like, all right, let's go.
Speaker B:And we went.
Speaker B:It was pretty cool.
Speaker B:I was a little scared.
Speaker B:I heard the coyotes out there, and it was cold.
Speaker A:Oh, yeah.
Speaker A:Well, because.
Speaker A:Was the sun even up yet when y' all got out?
Speaker B:The sun didn't come up until we actually made it to the top.
Speaker A:That's cool, though.
Speaker A:So when you guys got to the top, the sun was coming up.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Oh, I think somehow you got a proposal up there too, though.
Speaker A:Oh, that's so sweet.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:So another card that's on point.
Speaker A:Just right on.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:All right.
Speaker A:I love it.
Speaker A:Okay, cool.
Speaker A:We can draw from our other deck.
Speaker A:So the second deck that we have is a splash of inspiration and hope, and they are made by Dr. Karen, which for those of you who have been following along, Dr. Karen was here for chapter 12, and we heard about her.
Speaker A:Lots of.
Speaker A:Lots of different grief journeys, lots of different parts.
Speaker A:It was a really great chapter.
Speaker A:We learned a lot.
Speaker A:And now we have her Oracle cards on the podcast.
Speaker A:So this is the first time we're going to feature them.
Speaker A:For those of you are watching, I know you saw them kind of when she was on here, but there is the.
Speaker A:These green ones, the orange ones, and the blue ones.
Speaker A:So the blue one is supposed to be tied to, like, emotion.
Speaker A:That one is your answer inner.
Speaker A:The green one is outer, and the orange one is future.
Speaker A:Or if you don't resonate with any of that, you can just pick whatever color you like, and then we'll shuffle them.
Speaker A:I'll.
Speaker B:I'll go.
Speaker B:I'll start with this one.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:We're going blue, blue, blue.
Speaker A:These cards are really pretty.
Speaker A:I really like the artwork on them.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker B:Oh, this one.
Speaker B:Beliefs.
Speaker B:Do I read the back part or.
Speaker A:Yeah, well, both.
Speaker A:What does the front say?
Speaker B:It says, beliefs release what limits.
Speaker B:I am safe to challenge beliefs that no longer support my healing.
Speaker B:I like the I am visual.
Speaker A:Can I say that again?
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:I am safe to challenge beliefs that no longer support my healing.
Speaker A:I like that.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Because sometimes what supports your healing in one phase may not later.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:And I think it's always just good to, like, check in with ourselves, like how we check in with other people.
Speaker A:We should always be checking in with ourselves to see, like, okay, like, is this still working for me?
Speaker A:You know, like, whatever.
Speaker A:Our own version of healing looks like.
Speaker A:It's super important.
Speaker A:So Sorry.
Speaker A:Continue.
Speaker A:Continue.
Speaker B:Okay, so it says, loss doesn't happen in a vacuum.
Speaker B:It's shaped by old wounds, cultural expectations, and the beliefs you carry.
Speaker B:Some beliefs once helped you survive, but now they may be holding you back.
Speaker B:I should be over this.
Speaker B:Crying is weak.
Speaker B:I have to do it alone.
Speaker B:This card invites you to look gently beneath your emotional responses and ask, what belief is driving this?
Speaker B:Awareness is the first step toward freedom.
Speaker B:You get to choose a new truth.
Speaker B:When you evaluate your beliefs, you reclaim your power to shape the story of your healing.
Speaker B:Do I read all of it?
Speaker A:It's up to you.
Speaker B:So it has, like, a journal, reflection, and some action steps.
Speaker B:Oh, okay.
Speaker B:So it says, think back to a recent moment when you felt triggered or emotionally reactive.
Speaker B:What belief may be hiding there?
Speaker A:Say that.
Speaker A:Can you read that, or can I read it?
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:Think back to a recent moment when you felt triggered or emotionally reactive.
Speaker A:What belief may be hiding there?
Speaker A:Can you think of one?
Speaker B:That's kind of tricky because I've switched my whole life around, so.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:It's kind of a deep question, too.
Speaker A:I mean, like, this is the topic of grief.
Speaker A:So.
Speaker B:I think, like, for me, the most recent one, like, if it's about grief, I.
Speaker B:The way of dealing with it, I guess, was, like, dealing with it alone and just working a lot.
Speaker B:I avoided, like, the feeling of grief.
Speaker B:So, like, my most recent passing, which was my grandfather, and it wasn't bad per se, because that's what helped me get sober.
Speaker B:But now, five years later, I realized that it wasn't true.
Speaker B:I didn't have to go through it alone because I wasn't the only one that lost him.
Speaker A:And I think this is exactly, like, what that card is saying, is that, like, you don't.
Speaker A:You don't have to do it alone.
Speaker A:This card invites you to look gently beneath your emotional response and ask what a belief is driving this.
Speaker A:Yeah, I don't know.
Speaker A:I think I struggle with that one sometimes because it's like, we don't have to do it alone, but, like.
Speaker A:But we do do it alone.
Speaker A:It's like, at the same time, you know, And.
Speaker A:And I think that's the, like, two things can be true at the same time type of situation.
Speaker A:And I think that that is true for this.
Speaker A:You know, it reminds me of, like, when.
Speaker A:When my husband first passed, like, my family really wanted me to come home, and I chose not to, and I stayed here by myself.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Which is, like, looking back on it, like, kind of crazy.
Speaker A:But in my head, I was like, you guys can't grieve for me.
Speaker A:So, like, I just got to stay here.
Speaker A:Like, going there isn't going to, like, make it go away.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:But, like, the support would be nice.
Speaker A:So I think maybe it's almost like, I guess for me, it's like, how much support am I allowing.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:To have happen, you know?
Speaker A:And I feel you and I are kind of similar in that way of just like, work, work, work, work, work, and stay busy and, like, always on the go, you know, Then there's not really.
Speaker A:There's not a lot of time for other things when you're, you know, Schedules
Speaker B:to cry, to feel.
Speaker A:Yeah, exactly.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:It's a good card.
Speaker A:It's pretty.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:I like the ocean.
Speaker A:It's blue.
Speaker A:It says beliefs, and then it has an image of, like, a teal wave on the beach and then like, a really bright yellow sun, and the clouds are kind of like pink and orange.
Speaker A:You can see a little bit of flowers on the outskirts and a little bit of palm trees on the outskirts as well.
Speaker A:Kind of looks like Hawaii or what I would imagine Hawaii to look like.
Speaker A:I've never actually been there, so.
Speaker A:It's pretty, though.
Speaker B:That picture does feel like relief.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Kind of.
Speaker A:How?
Speaker A:In the card that you drew before, it had said, like, in the expanded meaning, like when you look up a picture of the mountains and pine trees.
Speaker A:Like how just looking at an image can make you calm down.
Speaker A:And then, like, low key, high key.
Speaker A:I'm, like, looking at this card and it's, like, making me feel better.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Vacation.
Speaker A:Really, though?
Speaker A:Oh, yeah.
Speaker A:It's good.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Do you want to draw another one?
Speaker B:I'll do purpose.
Speaker A:Okay.
Speaker A:Purpose is just the top card.
Speaker A:It's not the actual deck.
Speaker A:All right, but do you want that card?
Speaker B:Sure.
Speaker B:So it says, purpose reignite with meaning.
Speaker B:I trust that my purpose is unfolding and will guide me to a place of meaning, fulfillment, and hope.
Speaker B:Grief can cloud our sense of meaning.
Speaker B:But purpose isn't lost.
Speaker B:It simply awaits rediscovery.
Speaker B:Your life holds meaning, and you are here for a reason.
Speaker B:After loss, your direction may feel unclear, but your purpose remains within you.
Speaker B:It doesn't have to be grand.
Speaker B:Sometimes it begins with small actions.
Speaker B:Planting a flower, helping a neighbor, offering a smile.
Speaker B:Let your grief evolve into clarity, contribution, and joy, and trust that each step will reveal more of who you are and why you're here.
Speaker B:That's cool.
Speaker A:What do you think of when you read that?
Speaker B:Oh, I like, I have a story to tell.
Speaker B:And I always knew that, you know, as I growing up, you know, and I had put a pause on my purpose when my uncle passed away because I lost myself and I was far from my purpose.
Speaker B:It took me a while to get back to what I'm here for, which is helping people and connecting with others and, you know, through my lived experience, helping, you know, so, you know, whether that's going to share at other churches, my testimony, or whatnot, it's something I started doing, like, last year.
Speaker B:So it's like every year it's getting more and more.
Speaker B:And now I'm here today, so I'm telling you, all these cards are on point.
Speaker A:That's good.
Speaker A:I love it.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Awesome.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:I think that's a good one to close with.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:And I think just kind of, like, heavy on the.
Speaker A:There's purpose in the little things, too.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:Like the planting a flower or, you know, because life can get so busy and, like, you get so caught up in all of these things, and it is good to have a big purpose and to gather and share and all that, too.
Speaker A:But I think when everything feels so overwhelming, to remember that, like, the purpose, like, is also you.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:You know, and just, like, waking up and taking a breath every day.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:So, yeah.
Speaker A:All right, well, thank you for coming back on and doing some grief deck polls, and if you guys liked it, don't forget to follow Share like, subscribe and we will see you next week.
Speaker A:Thank you so much.
